Healthy addictions
"Let me stop you there."
That is what she said, interrupting me, after I'd been talking, explaining, trying to bring clarity to the mess I am in. I'd been telling her about my longing, trying to point to specific things I want, maybe even need, and feel the lack of, achingly: An ally for the mundanity of life, to help force purpose to the everyday, which is otherwise sometimes such a struggle to get through. I've glimpsed it, the set-up I want, and even though part of me thinks it's trivial, another part doesn't even dare believe I can get it. Or that I deserve it?
"Having someone to keep track of, that keeps track of me", I had summarized. "Because we want to, and because our lives are alligned. I have only had tastes of it, and I want more. It's like a drug."
And that's when she interrupted me.
"This is all natural and healthy", she objected. "And I was thinking all the way through what you were saying how you weren't describing this desire like a weakness, like you've done in the past."
I still have a ways to go.
