What goes around

I go to the bar. A man, attractive enough for me to let my eyes remain on him when he addresses me, addresses me. I smile, and it's that smile that says a few more things than words can comfortably convey. He hesitates, unused I think to such forwardness, and a small part of me remembers that I am in Sweden and that the men are afraid here. He asks if he can buy a beer, and if I will be waiting here when he's done so. I ask if I can have a kiss, and after some more momentary hesitation he obliges. He is good. We talk some, he asks if I want to come with him to where he lives and I say sure and for him to come find me in a bit. Then we kiss again and I head to the table where my friends are.
I drink, I talk to my friends, I laugh, I monitor the crowd, I drink some more, I go to the toilets, and I see that the man is still by the bar, now talking to some other woman. As I'm writing this I realize I didn't think "oh, she is much prettier than me", nor did I think "oh, she is uglier than me", and I take some pride in this fact. I merely think "oh, she is not me" and I shrug. If anything, slightly annoyed at being back at square one.
I dance. I get eye contact with a man with big, dark eyes and we look at each other for a short while, long enough to agree on something nondescript. My friends and I stake out a home for ourselves on the dance floor and another man and his friend make us laugh. The friend has a look that I am attracted by, so I focus my eyes on him, and before long we are kissing. He's not very good, but he's not terrible. I ask where he lives and we end up agreeing that we should go to mine. I ask if he wants to take his friend with him to make up for the fact that he's not such a great kisser (but I don't say the last part out loud), but he says it will only be him. I tell him I'm just gonna go to the toilet.
I pass the dark eyed man on my way to the toilets. Only I don't. I kiss him, and he's as good as the first guy by the bar, and I ask if he wants to come with me, right now. And he's not like the scared ones. I pay for a cab. It's worth it in some ways, not in others.


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